Kids Say the Darndest Things...

Dear Friends,

I love kids. About half of my friends agree with me and half of my friends think I'm crazy. I am considering pursuing pediatrics in my medical career because I love working with kids so much. I believe children embody pure, unadulterated joy that they share freely with the world through their smiles, laughter, and songs.

Since being home, I have had a wonderful, unique opportunity to work with a great group of kids preparing a Christmas concert. My younger brother's school does not have a music teacher and they elected to do a Christmas concert for the first time this year. As fate/luck/God would have it, my mom found out that they were in need of someone to organize the concert. She lovingly volunteered me. However, I am incredibly glad that she did--it has been a truly blessed, fun experience.

For the past two months, I have worked with each grade level one-on-one each week preparing a few songs to perform at the concert. The Christmas concert is tonight and everyone is both very excited and a little bit nervous! Throughout my experience, I learned a lot and witnessed more than a few hilarious encounters with the students. I thought I would share a few of these with you today...

I loved visiting school on Mondays to work with the Kindergarten students--they always greeted me with a chorus of "Hi Miss Maggie," "Hi Miss Maggie," "Hi Miss Maggie," over and over again until I set the keyboard up and was able to quiet them down. The end of class was marked with a chorus of "Bye Miss Maggie," and "Have a great weekend," even though it was only Monday. Such joy!

After a few weeks, I learned not to call on every student who raised their hands. While singing "Happy Birthday Jesus," I had four or five preschoolers tell me their birthday was on Christmas, too. Their teacher quickly reprimanded them all, whose birthdays were not on Christmas. Too cute. While teaching "Frosty the Snowman" to the Pre-School, I asked what Frosty's eyes were made out of. A few students yelled out "Coal!" I called on one little guy, who had raised his hand. He proceeded to tell me that Frosty's eyes were made out of explosives and demonstrated what happened to Frosty's head when these explosives were detonated. Kids say the darndest things...

My favorite memory also occurred with the Pre-School students. As we stood up to sing "Jingle Bells," one of the little gents tapped a girl on the shoulder and said, "Can I hold hands with you?" He began to reach for her hand. She responded, "NO!" and turned away. While my heart broke for the boy, I also thought to myself, "You go girl!"

I hope the students know how much joy they have given me with their goofy comments, giggles, attentiveness, hard work, and simple love of music. It has been a real pleasure.

Words Truly,

Maggie

OCD: You're Afraid of What?? (Part 2 of a 5 part series)

Dear Friends,

The past few days, a variety of amusing jokes related to OCD and GAD have appeared out of the blue while watching my favorite TV shows. Last week, I watched an episode of "Bones," my dramatic guilty pleasure, in which the team was investigating the death of a comedian. They were reviewing footage of his stand-up routines and the following joke appeared: "What is with everyone being diagnosed with GAD? It's called life!" My Mom and I looked at each other and burst out laughing at the appropriateness of the joke. Additionally, my family and I watch a healthy amount of "The Big Bang Theory" every night, and I recently viewed an episode with the following scene: 

Sheldon Cooper is the lovable, neurotic genius of "The Big Bang Theory," played by the brilliant Jim Parsons. He demonstrates many symptoms of OCD throughout the show, including his ritualistic triple knocking, fear of germs, and fear of driving. Today, I would like to give you a detailed look into my specific obsessions and the compulsions that follow.

In hindsight, I have dealt with OCD for much of my life. However, it never involved the debilitating factor that makes OCD a true illness. My experience with OCD first became debilitating at the end of freshman year of high school. I do not remember "Day 1" of my obsessing, nor do I recall what spawned the first thought. I began to have constant intrusive thoughts asking the same question: "What if I am gay?" Now, before I launch into what promises to be a long, but informative description, let me say: These fears have nothing to do with "homophobia" or my personal views on homosexuality. I do not believe homosexuality is a sin and I believe human sexuality has a genetic foundation that develops with age and environmental exposure. That being said, the thought that I could possibly be gay terrified me. There was absolutely no real evidence to suggest that I was attracted to women. I would toss and turn in my bed, wide awake, as thoughts raced through my head at an incalculable speed. "You're gay. Just accept it. You're in denial. You like girls. Why won't you just admit it? You're gay. You're gay. You're gay." Keep in mind that, although these thoughts are spoken as if there is a separate "voice" in my head, these thoughts were my own. OCD is not like schizophrenia, where one hears voices that are not their own. These thoughts were nearly ever-present and if they did take a break from torturing me, they would begin the moment I realized my mind had quieted. This was a very special kind of Hell to live through. At first, I had no idea what was wrong with me. The fact that I was having these thoughts must mean either A. It was true or B. I had a problem.

After a few weeks of this, I ran to my parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, saying I was going to be sick. I never did throw up--now, I believe this was my way of showing my parents something was wrong and opening that door to talk to them about it. The next day, my Mom kept me home from school and, breaking down into gut-wrenching tears, I explained to her what I had been experiencing. With sympathetic eyes and a knowing look, she explained that I was experiencing serious anxiety and we would set up a doctor's appointment immediately. This was a breakdown my Mom has experienced too many times in her life. Anxiety and OCD run in our family, both immediate and extended. My Dad was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. His mother bears the same diagnosis. My dear uncle battles schizophrenia and depression, and we see signs of anxiety and OCD in some family members. Help was on the way.

So what exactly was I experiencing? I did not learn that I had OCD for a few years. When I explained my thoughts to my doctors, I did not elaborate on the specifics of the thoughts. I said I had "racing thoughts that caused me anxiety" and I was experiencing "irrational, intrusive thoughts about various topics." I never told them I was having thoughts that I could be gay. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (which I definitely have) and began taking Zoloft and, after about two months, I felt back to normal. The thoughts spiked up maybe two or three times a year, but overall, I felt "cured." One day during a "spike" (a time when the intrusive thoughts occupy my mind for 50% of the day or more), I finally worked up the courage to Google the phrase "Anxiety Disorder Fear of Being Gay." I was shocked at what I found: a plethora of websites talking about "HOCD" and "Pure-O." I had stumbled upon a personal goldmine. I finally realized that I had OCD. I could put a real name to my personal demon. 

So what on Earth is HOCD? HOCD stands for "Homosexual Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder." Here is an excellent description of HOCD from Dr. Steven Seay, Ph.D.

"Straight individuals with homosexual OCD experience obsessive fears about the possibility of being gay. Their HOCD obsessions often consist of unwanted thoughts, impulses, or images that uncontrollably pop into consciousness. To reduce the anxiety brought on by their obsessions, individuals with HOCD engage in a variety of rituals that focus on “proving their true sexuality” or reducing their perceived “vulnerability” to becoming gay. Sexual obsessions can also affect gay men, lesbians, or bisexual individuals with OCD, who may become fearful about the possibility of becoming straight (“Straight OCD”). The common element that unites these seemingly opposite sexual obsessions is the fear of being attracted to something unwanted, taboo, or “unacceptable” based on one’s particular worldview."

Each form of OCD is made up of two obvious parts: an obsession and a compulsion. OCD is a circular disorder: the sufferer experiences a thought that they latch on to and cannot shake. This thought causes a great deal of anxiety. In order to combat the anxiety temporarily, the sufferer engages in a compulsion. The compulsion temporarily quells the anxiety. However, it always begins again. The obsession of HOCD is two-fold. First, the sufferer fears that he or she is gay and cannot admit it. Second, the sufferer fears they will never know for certain what their sexual orientation is. The compulsions of HOCD make it difficult to recognize that what the sufferer is experiencing is indeed OCD. Most of the compulsions associated with HOCD are mental and cannot be seen. Here is a list of HOCD compulsions I have personally engaged in (this is by no means exhaustive!):

HOCD Rituals & Compulsions (Behavioral)

• Checking one’s own body for physical signs of arousal (can also be a mental ritual).
• Avoiding the topic of homosexuality
• Arguing with the obsessive thoughts
• Checking that one is attracted to the opposite sex
• Asking other people for reassurance about your sexuality.
• Avoiding gay men, lesbians, and bisexual people.
• Avoiding physical contact with same sex individuals (handshaking, hugs).
• Avoiding being alone with same sex individuals.
• Avoiding conversations with same sex individuals.
• Avoiding attractive same sex individuals or pictures/movies featuring attractive same sex individuals.
• Avoiding music by gay individuals or movies featuring gay actors or characters.
• Avoiding eye contact with same sex individuals.
• When in public, trying to avoid looking at the groin, backside, or chest areas of same sex individuals.
• Avoiding TV shows with gay characters or gay themes.

These thoughts can be triggered by most of the aforementioned topics: books, movies, and TV shows with homosexual characters and plot lines, discussing homosexuality, physical contact with members of the same sex, such as hugging and shaking hands, and simply seeing or interacting with a member of the same sex. 

Crazy stuff, right? I hope this opens your eyes to some of the more "nitty-gritty" details about OCD and about the specific form of OCD that was the most debilitating for me personally. I have read so many stories about people who are absolutely tormented by this form of OCD. In some cases, it leads people to get divorces and end relationships because they think the only way to get rid of the anxiety and pain is to accept the thoughts as true and live them out. 

I have lived through the Hell that is OCD. I do not want anyone else to suffer in silence. I do not want others to spend hours and hours ruminating and obsessing over something that can be treated! I do not want others to ruin their lives because they do not know what it is they are experiencing. I hope this post has informed you. Share it with others. People need to learn about OCD and take care of each other. If you have ANY questions whatsoever, leave me a comment or shoot me an email (mskoch10@gmail.com). I am more than happy to answer any questions you have and to tell more of my story. God Bless You All.

Words Truly,

Maggie

Words Truly Rafflecopter Giveaway!

Dear Friends,

Yahoo! I am having my first ever Rafflecopter Giveaway, right here on my Words Truly blog! The lucky winner gets to choose one glass dome pendant from my Etsy shop, Words Truly! There are 16 possible entries, and you can come back for more entries each day for a whole week! Share, share, share!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

May the odds be ever in your favor.

Words Truly,

Maggie

OCD: De-Monked (Part 1 of a 5 part series)

Dear Friends,

Wow, it has been a crazy long time since I last blogged! Whether I chalk it up to business, laziness, or a mixture of both, it is good to be back. My next blogging adventure takes me back to the two-fold reason I created this blog in the first place--promoting my Etsy business, Words Truly, which I started since being home from Notre Dame, and blogging about life, love, and why in the world I came home from Notre Dame.

As I mentioned in my previous blog post, Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You, I came home from Notre Dame on medical leave to be treated for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. In that post, I gave a brief overview of my experience with OCD and anxiety disorders, the effect they have had on my life, and the treatment involved. Over the next few weeks, I will be blogging about OCD and will discuss various aspects of the disorder, lesser known facts, my personal demons, and treatment. The first of this five part series discusses what OCD is and is not, and the perception of OCD due to the (awesome) television show, Monk. The second blog post will discuss my two major OCD "themes" I have dealt with, as well as some other minor forms of OCD. The third blog post will discuss how having OCD has affected my life. The fourth blog post will address in detail the treatment in which I have been involved. Finally, the fifth blog post will address the question "What now?" I hope you will read these blog posts with an open mind and an open heart and allow yourself to learn something new.

The TV show, "Monk," tells the story of Adrian Monk, a former cop who suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. His wife, Trudy, was killed in a car bomb that was believed to be intended for Monk. After his wife's death, his OCD spiraled out of control and he reached a point of non-functionality. He was declared mentally unfit to serve as a police officer. After many years, he is able to begin working again as a consultant for the police. He has an uncanny ability to see details that others cannot and to solve mysteries that seem impossible to make sense of. He describes his disorder as "a gift and a curse," as it allows him to be the brilliant detective that he is while debilitating his every move. He is afraid of 312 various things, including milk, ladybugs, harmonicas, heights, imperfection, driving, food touching on his plate, and messes. The show takes a comedic look at OCD by depicting Monk as the "defective detective," the Rain Man of crime-solving world. 

Now, Monk is my favorite TV show of all-time. I absolutely adore this show and I cried when it ended. However, I also believe it gives OCD a very narrow and compacted persona to the rest of the world. If you watch Monk with no prior knowledge of OCD, this is the impression of OCD that you will receive: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is characterized by a fear of germs, dirt, and a lack of order and organization. It leads the sufferer to use baby wipes after shaking the hands of others, avoid messes and to organize disorder. It can actually be pretty funny to see someone who suffers from OCD try to interact with the rest of the world. This is what Monk teaches its viewers. While I love this show and laugh along with everyone else, I completely disagree with the picture of OCD that Monk paints. 

I believe there is a great lack of knowledge about mental disorders in our society today. This may be caused by a variety of issues. Schools may not be educating students beyond the very basics of mental disorders. For example, students learn that depression can lead to suicide, eating disorders include anorexia and bulimia, and OCD is a type of anxiety disorder. Students do not necessarily learn what to do when a friend is suicidal, the causes of eating disorders, or the various types of OCD. Another cause of this feeble understanding of mental disorders may be that it is a taboo topic, even in the 21st century. I also feel that shows like Monk give an impression that may be false or may not tell the entire story. I would like to debunk these impressions that Monk gives. 

OCD: De-Monked

1. OCD is characterized by a fear of germs, dirt, and a lack of order.

This is the biggest myth perpetuated by Monk. When I was first diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I had no idea that I was really suffering primarily from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. This was due in part to my familiarity with Monk. I had a perception that OCD was all about fearing germs, dirt, and items like books failing to be in alphabetical order. I was certainly experiencing fear, but it had nothing to do with these topics. After three years, I summoned the courage to do a Google search of my biggest "feared topic." My jaw literally dropped when I discovered a multitude of websites describing everything I had experienced as symptoms of OCD.

I will not go into great detail here, because this will be the topic of my second blog post, but I suffered from two major forms of OCD. The first is called "HOCD," or Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Now, before you get the wrong idea, this type of OCD is not a fear of homosexuals. HOCD is defined by Dr. Steven Seay, Ph.D. as follows: "a specific subtype of OCD that involves recurrent sexual obsessions and intrusive doubts about one’s sexual orientation." Essentially, HOCD is the fear that one is attracted to the same sex, despite feeling attracted to the opposite sex until this fear arose. HOCD has nothing to do with "homophobia" or political views on gay marriage. In fact, many homosexuals experience the same form of OCD, except they fear that they are straight, despite previously believing themselves to be attracted to the same sex. If you cannot wait for my second blog post, in which I will discuss HOCD further, check out this link for some great information about HOCD. 

The second major form of OCD I have experienced is known as "Self-Harm OCD." This is simply the fear of losing control and harming oneself. Self-Harm OCD encompasses the fear of cutting oneself, committing suicide, or bringing harm to oneself despite the fact that this desire does not exist. 

There are many other forms of OCD that go beyond the narrow definition provided by Monk. These fears include the fear that one might harming family members or friends, the fear that one might be a pedophile, the fear that God does not exist, despite being a strong believer, the fear that one will go to Hell, the fear that one's partner is cheating on them, the fear one will drive their car off the road and kill the passengers, and the fear of a specific number or word. This list is not exhaustive by any means, but it gives you an idea of the multi-faceted, complicated aspects of OCD. The fact that many people do not know about these other forms of OCD is detrimental because those who do suffer with these lesser-known forms of OCD often think something is very "wrong" with them. Many people with HOCD believe they should just accept that they are gay (or straight). In some cases, people have left happy marriages because the intrusive thoughts caused by the OCD were so painful and confusing! Parents with violent obsessions fear that they will be put into a mental institution for having terrible thoughts about harming their children. This lack of knowledge causes others to suffer in silence. 

2. OCD leads the sufferer to avoid the feared things, but the sufferer can still get through life with ease. 

OCD does lead the sufferer to avoid the feared things. However, Monk gives its viewers the idea that you can still be a successful, unaffected human being living a functional life with OCD that is as severe as Mr. Monk's. In my experience, it is not so simple. OCD permeates every aspect of your life and truly brings you to your knees. There are, of course, varying degrees of OCD. Some people are only bothered temporarily by this disorder. Others have mild cases that are barely noticeable. However, people like Mr. Monk and yours truly, whose OCD causes them to quit their jobs, take a leave from school, use a wipe every time they touch someone else's hand, and simply fail to function "normally," need to understand that they do not have to live that tortured life. Treatment is available and it does work. 

3. It can be pretty funny to see someone who suffers from OCD try to interact with the rest of the world. 

Monk provides a humorous conceptualization of OCD, and I can appreciate the jokes. I laugh myself silly when I watch Monk. However, on the flip side, all mental disorders, including OCD, are not laughing matters. I do not like that Monk trivializes a very serious disorder that truly hurts people and tears lives apart.  

Monk is a phenomenal TV show and I highly recommend everyone watch every episode of every season (all 8 of them!) like I did. But I encourage you to do so with this new information in mind. I encourage you to share what you have learned about OCD with your family, friends, co-workers, classmates, and peers. Mental disorders are often a silent epidemic because people are so afraid to talk about what they do not fully understand. I was one of those people who never elaborated on my specific anxieties and fears because I was terrified it would make the fears true, that if I said what I feared out loud, I would be carted off to a mental institution. Throughout this difficult time, I have met and talked to so many people about my experience. The common denominator in every conversation was this: Either the person I spoke with suffered from some form of mental struggle or knew a close friend or family member that did. Mental disorders are common. We need to do our part, take care of each other, and talk about these taboos. 

Words Truly,

Maggie 

Inspiration, or a Lack Thereof

Dear Friends,

I am sitting at the counter in my kitchen, staring at my computer screen, and I have no idea what to write about. I haven't blogged in over a week (so sorry!) and I feel as though I could go a few more days without it. It is one of those days I feel I just do not have very much to say. If my Mom is reading this, she is laughing, because I always have something to say. I am feeling grossly uninspired today, and every topic I come upon seems passe, trite, or lackluster. So I decided: I will whine about my lack of inspiration in the first paragraph of this blog, and then elaborate on what it is that truly inspires me.

1. Quotes

I am clinically obsessed with quotes. I blame my dear friend Hannah for leading me to this obsession, but I do not at all regret the hours I have spent writing down favorite quotes in my quote journal (yes, I do have one of those) and poring over websites like imgfave.com to find new and exciting compilations of words. Sometimes, on days like today, when we are feeling uninspired or simply do not have the right words for our situation, we can turn to the wise minds of others for insight and inspiration.

2. Beauty in Nature

I love nature and its wonders, both big and small, never cease to amaze and inspire me. The sights that invoke the beauty of God's creation draw breath into my lungs in a gasp and inspiration into my soul. I have traveled quite a bit for a nineteen year old, due to my wonderful family vacations and the Singing Angels tours I went on. I have seen this beauty in the woods at Yosemite National Park, on a cruise ship through the Scandinavian seas, on the streets of Tallinn, Estonia, and on the shores of Lake Erie and the other Great Lakes. Nature is a true gift and it keeps me grounded and inspired.

3. My little brother

Read my Mom's blog post here for the entire story: http://www.maidenjane.blogspot.com/2012/11/thoughts-on-life-on-boys-school-and.html

4. Jesus Christ

This guy is amazing. Call me a Jesus freak, but I believe in Him and all that He gives to us. He died so that we might live. There is nothing more inspirational.

5. True love

I am the most realistic hopeless romantic you will ever meet. How's that for a dichotomy? I can't explain myself in any other words, as confusing as they may sound. I am the first person to tell a girl to not rely on a man and to remember to never settle. I am also the first girl to squeal and "aww" at a romantic tale. It really makes no sense, but I digress. True love inspires me to no end. Romantic love is not the only type of love that I adore. The love between best friends, between a parent and a child, and between Christ and his children all amaze me. One of my favorite quotes by C.S. Lewis sums this up quite succinctly: 

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

What inspires you? Leave me a comment!

Words Truly,

Maggie

Success!

Dear Friends,

I write to you with news of success! I have finally achieved success with the creation of my glass dome pendants and will be posting 5 each day until I have posted them all--I have over 65 ready to be purchased!

Here is look at what was posted today!

Happy Shopping! 

Words Truly,

Maggie

P.S. Keep your eyes open for an exciting giveaway in the next week!

Love Thee Notre Dame: Why?

Dear Friends,

You may see this blog post and think, "Another one about Notre Dame? Really?" You may see this blog post and be incredibly excited because you love Notre Dame as much as I do. Hopefully, all of you will see this blog post and think, "That's a darn good question." If you know me, you know I am obsessed with the University of Notre Dame. The words to our Alma Mater are as follows:

Love thee, Notre Dame. This is a given, an absolute. But why? 

I can give you the obvious reasons in a heartbeat. Notre Dame is one of the most selective schools in the world, has an outstanding academic program, is a premiere research university, and is the home of one of the most storied college football programs of all time (Love them or hate them, you can't deny the history). I love Notre Dame for all of these things, but all of these things are not why I love Notre Dame. 

I love Notre Dame because no matter where you are on campus, there is something to remind you of the beauty of God's creation. I cannot choose the most beautiful place on campus because everything is so beautiful (yes, even the Rad Lab everybody!) From the signature Golden Dome, to the massive football stadium overlooked by Touchdown Jesus, to the beautiful twin lakes to the west of campus, I cannot think of  a more beautiful place in which to live. 

I love Notre Dame because legacy and tradition are its life blood. It unites families. My Papa loved Notre Dame more than I do. For my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary, their children bought them a tree at Notre Dame, adjacent to the Golden Dome. It is now known as "Papa's Tree," and we always visit it when my family comes to ND for a visit.

Part of the huge family at ND a few weeks ago for the BYU Game!

I love Notre Dame because it gives those younger than us something to dream about and to strive for. It awakens a passion in the hearts of young boys and girls, like this one. "I'm going to go to Notre Dame someday." 

If this isn't pure, unadulterated joy, I don't know what is.

I love Notre Dame because it is a place founded on and grounded in Catholicism. My faith is one of the most cherished aspects of my life and to have a place like Notre Dame where living your faith, loving Jesus, and standing up for your beliefs does not make you part of the minority is very special. There are chapels in each dorm and in many of the school buildings, a central Basilica, and The Grotto, a beautiful place to light a candle and send your prayers heavenward. As Father Hesburgh, former Notre Dame president, states, "How many places have a place to pray? The Grotto is Notre Dame's Praying Place."

I love Notre Dame because when I am far from home and missing my family, I have another Mother looking down on me. 

I could go on. Truly. Call me obsessed, but I love Notre Dame with all my heart and believe it to be one of the most special places on Earth, as a physical location, an institution, and a united body of people. As Ohio State Coach Urban Meyer said recently, "You come walking into high school with a (Notre Dame) shirt on, you either get something thrown at you or a big hug." Notre Dame seems to be a love/hate university; you either love them or you hate them.

If I see you wearing a Notre Dame shirt, you'll get the biggest hug of your life. Go Irish.

God. Country. Notre Dame.

Love Thee, Notre Dame.

Words Truly,

Maggie

Lake Catholic Craft Fair!

Dear Friends,

I apologize for my long absence and overdue blog post. Fill in excuses here.

Because I did not do an Etsy-related post on Monday, I will do so today!

This Saturday, from 9:00-3:00, Words Truly and my sister's business, Pink in Mind, will be at the Lake Catholic Craft Fair selling our products! I will be premiering my glass dome pendants (I have over 50 in stock!), as well as new ribbon pendants and stationary.

All are invited! The LC Craft Fair supports the Performing Arts department, a program very close to my heart. I spent all of my time down "Band Hall" in high school with the most amazing people one could ever hope to meet. Admission is only $2.00 and there will be over 175 vendors, a bake sale, and a 50/50 raffle!

President Obama will be in town at Mentor High at the same time--support small businesses. Come to the Craft Fair. There are no political connotations here. 

Words Truly,

Maggie

Heartbreaking

Dear Friends,

While listening to the radio today, I heard the most tragic, heartbreaking story I have heard in a long time. On Wednesday, a 15-year old girl jumped in front of a train in Staten Island and committed suicide. So many thoughts rushed through my head. Who is to blame? Why did she do this? Why does God let these things happen? Another young life, so full of promise, was lost. The radio station reporting the story had been discussing bullying over the past few days. One of the hosts had shared her story the day prior, discussing how she had been a victim of bullying as a child. In 6th grade, this woman had been shoved into lockers, punched, and threatened with death by other children. What??? Just writing those words breaks my heart into a million pieces. A father called in to the radio show and described how he and his daughter heard the host sharing her story. The little girl turned to her father and said, "I'm not the only one, Dad?" What is going on in our culture, in our society, in our world? 

Suicide is an incredibly difficult, sensitive subject. It is not simple. We cannot necessarily say the students who bullied the 15-year old girl above are to blame for her suicide. 90% of those who commit suicide have been diagnosed with mental disorders. It is fair to conclude that there is a link between mental illness and suicide. Personally, I believe that most cases of suicide occur in the context of a mental disorder, be it depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or another disease of the mind. Reading the news story about 15-year old Felicia Garcia indicates that she was struggling with depression and had lived a troubled life as a foster child who frequently ran away from home. I do not believe her classmates are to blame for her actions. However, I do believe these students failed to give Felicia what she needed so desperately: love. On this Earth, we are ultimately called to one vocation: to love. If we love, we succeed. In our society today, love seems to be vacant in the lives of so many. Imagine what it would look like if we took the time to love our family members, friends, classmates, and neighbors. Imagine what it would look life if we took the time to ask these people how they are, not because it is the social norm to say, "Hi, how are you," but because we truly care. 

I believe bullying and suicide can be prevented. But it will not go away by putting a poster on the wall that says "No Bullying Zone." It will not go away by simply telling our kids not to be bullies or to not to be bullied. We must open our eyes. Parents need to parent. They need to be involved in the lives of their children. I am so incredibly blessed to have parents who are involved in every facet of my life, yet allow me the independence I need to grow as an individual. I have met many parents who do not know half of what their children experience and deal with on a daily basis. Teachers need to teach. They do not need to be parents. However, they cannot turn a blind eye to bullying and blatant actions of hate. Even in my wonderful Catholic High School, I witnessed obvious bullying of students. I witnessed teachers witnessing the bullying and turning away. I have seen how cruel kids can be. Children do not come out of the womb perfect, but they also do not come out of the womb as hateful and unkind creatures. If a child can learn to be a bully, then he or she can learn to love. 

I do not know what my purpose in posting this entry is. After hearing this story, I simply felt compelled to write a post about it. Bullying and suicide, both as separate instances and as linked instances, snap my heart into an infinite number of pieces. Both actions are so devoid of love. I hope and pray we begin to look around and spread love to our neighbors, classmates, friends, and strangers. May God guide us.

Words Truly,

Maggie

Hallelujah!

Dear Friends,

Hallelujah, Praise the Lord! My glass dome pendant experiment was successful! I have officially finalized my pendant-making process and have finished over 25 pendants, with many more on the creation table right now. I will be listing the necklaces throughout this week and next, so keep your eyes peeled for some beautiful vintage pendants! Check out my shop now: this is the last time it will be so empty!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/WordsTruly

Sorry for the quick post (and failure to post on Saturday)~it has been a busy day and I am still recovering from an exhausting weekend at Notre Dame!

Jump Mom!

Words Truly,

Maggie

Do One Thing Every day That Scares You

Dear Friends,

"Do one thing every day that scares you."~Eleanor Roosevelt

Eleanor Roosevelt is one of my favorite female figures of all time--she was a strong woman, she was brilliant, she refused to let her husband's infidelity run or ruin her life, and she spoke eloquently and beautifully. In addition to the quote "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," which is attributed to Eleanor, the above quote by her is one of my favorites. Do one thing every day that scares you. This is a reality I am living quite literally. 

If you have been keeping up on my blog posts, you know I am home from Notre Dame on medical leave for this semester. I briefly explained why, but I would like to elaborate on my situation. At the end of freshman year of high school, when I was 14 years old, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I had been experiencing high levels of anxiety and constant intrusive thoughts that interfered with my ability to function. Anxiety disorders are not uncommon in my extended family, and my parents knew what steps to take when I came to them, sobbing in the middle of the night. After seeing a variety of doctors, I began taking medicine for the anxiety and, overall, things stabilized. The remainder of high school was relatively anxiety free (disordered anxiety anyways! :D). I saw a psychologist for a little while, but the medicine worked so quickly that I did not develop any lasting tools and skills in therapy. Then came college, Notre Dame, and a downward spiral into anxiety, panic, and OCD.

I will always describe my first year at Notre Dame as one of the most amazing years of my life. I met some of the most beautiful people in the world. I began to live my lifelong dream. I took the most difficult and wonderful classes I had ever experienced. I grew in my faith. I was in Heaven on Earth. But it was not perfect. I had a difficult time transitioning to school. I was homesick. I tried out for the famous Marching Band of the Fighting Irish, made it, hated it, and quit. I had new faces and new foods to adapt to. It was not as easy and simple as I expected college to be. In light of all of these changes, my anxiety and OCD spiked to very high levels. Times of change and great stress are apt to aggravate most mental disorders. I was no exception. After about two months, I was settled in to school, I felt comfortable at my new home, and the constant anxiety and OCD had diminished. However, much of the year was peppered with what I call "spikes," times when the OCD is more prevalent and bothersome. I saw a psychologist throughout the year through Notre Dame's incredible counseling center and made a good deal of progress. I realized that OCD was not something that would magically disappear with medication, like it seemed to do in high school. I knew I needed to engage my disorder and learn how to live with it.

I could go on and on about the ups and downs, the peaks and troughs, the triumphs and struggles of my battle with OCD and anxiety. There are days I seriously consider writing a book about my story. Perhaps I will. To save time and space in this already lengthy blog post, I will skip ahead to this year. After a wonderful, busy summer, I was jumping for joy to return to the place and people I missed so much. I moved in, said goodbye to my family with only a few tears, and began the busy rush of school. After three wonderful days, I had my first panic attack. I do not remember what happened to cause it (usually nothing), but after the first one, I had six or seven panic attacks each day. My OCD flared up to the highest levels I had ever experienced. It was a struggle to get through the day, an hour, ten minutes. After two long weeks, many trips to the counseling center, a hospital stay to change medication, and many tears, the panic attacks subsided, but I fell into a deep reactive depression. I had gone from being on overdrive 24/7 to limp, lifeless, and lethargic. Eventually, my family and I, in tandem with my dorm rector and various Notre Dame personnel, decided to take a medical leave of absence for this semester in order to assess the situation and receive the proper treatment. I was terrified during those three weeks. First, I was terrified I would have to leave Notre Dame. Then, I had to make the decision to do what scared me the most. After coming home, it was time to begin a whole new journey of facing my fears.

I am now participating in an intensive outpatient therapy program for OCD, which has been the common thread throughout this struggle. The focal point of therapy is what is known as "Exposure and Response Prevention." This brings me to the crux of this blog post. Exposure is essentially doing exactly what Eleanor Roosevelt suggests in her aforementioned quote: Do one thing every day that scares you. OCD has two components. The first is an obsession, which is an intrusive thought that comes into your mind. Examples of common obsessions include the well-known contamination fears (Monk anyone?), violent obsessions, scrupulosity, sexual obsessions, and many, many more. The second is a compulsion, which is a reaction to the obsession. This is what OCD truly is; when you experience an upsetting, intrusive thought, people with OCD respond with a compulsion that temporarily neutralizes the anxiety caused by the thought. However, it is a vicious cycle that feeds upon itself to strengthen the OCD and weaken its prey. Exposure and Response Prevention combats this by literally exposing oneself to the feared environment or subject. For example, if you fear spiders, an example of Exposure would be first sitting in a room with a spider in a cage, then sitting next to the cage, then opening the cage, then holding the spider. Eleanor Roosevelt hit the nail on the head: to overcome our fears, we must face them head on. I am currently engaged in a number of exposures that are becoming increasingly intense and difficult. Exposure is not fun. If it was fun, OCD would not be a concern! It is terrifying to deliberately terrify myself, but I know the end result is worth it. I cannot wait for the day when I can say I have learned to cope with OCD. 

I intend to do additional blog posts about my struggles with OCD and anxiety for two reasons. First, I hope that I can help educate others about the complicated nature of mental disorders and OCD. Second, I pray that others with mental disorders know it is not something to hide or be ashamed of. It is no different than any "physical" ailment, such as a broken bone, mono, or cancer. Mental disorders are treatable. It often involves taking a big step. It involves doing the things that scare us to death. It involves taking a huge leap of faith. 

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Words Truly,

Maggie

New Etsy Items!

Dear Friends,

I have a rather short, but exciting post for you all today! I have posted some new note cards on my Etsy shop that I would love for you to check out! Each set of note cards is printed with a quote from a beloved book or author. 

My current reading obsession is anything by C.S. Lewis --the man is simply brilliant and if you have never read anything by him, you have to get to the library stat! I recently saw a stage version of the novel "The Screwtape Letters" with my friend and it renewed my love for Lewis. I am currently  reading The Great Divorce and loving it!

This set of note cards contains three quotes from The Four Loves. Go to my Etsy shop by clicking on the picture to read the special quotes on the cards!

The next note card set is themed on The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by C.S. Lewis's dear friend J.R.R. Tolkien. I admit that I have yet to read this amazing trilogy, but it is on my reading list! These cards were inspired by my dear friend and roommate Hope, who loves LOTR as much as I love Lewis (though she is quite obsessed with him as well!). 

Finally, check out this set of note cards with wonderful quotes from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, one of the greatest children's literary classics of all time. Aslan is on the move...

Pardon the short blog post--it has been a long day of errands, meetings, laundry (yuck!), and technological mishaps. I look forward to writing a much lengthier blog post for your reading pleasure on Thursday. Have a wonderful evening!

Words Truly,

Maggie

The Only Thing On My Mind Today...

Go Irish!

6-0, here we come! Say your Hail Mary's!

Words Truly,

Maggie

Musings: God's Deck of Cards

Dear Friends,

It's Thursday, and that means I get to write about my musings--things I ponder and think about from time to time that hold significance in my life, and possibly in yours. Life is one, big, crazy unknown vortex, filled with surprises, excitement, sadness, pain, laughter, and hope. We are all trying to find a little sense and peace in the entropy of the world, and I hope you enjoy reading my thoughts on the subject.

I was talking to my best friend last night, and he said something incredibly profound (rare for him...just kidding :D). When we are faced with decisions and tough situations, trust God. He may be waiting to play a card. The card may never leave the deck. He may have already played the card, or is playing a card that trumps all the others in the hand. These statements really resounded with me. I have been feeling somewhat distant from God the past week, not for one particular reason--just separated. Over the past month, I have had a very difficult time trusting God. I am on medical leave from the school of my dreams. I do not know when I will be able to return. My studies and career path are influenced by this delay, adding another layer of confusion. I am far away from all of my friends. Relationships are changing, ebbing and flowing. Trust is the last thing I feel capable of. My best friend's words brought me back to the ground again and reminded me that God has it all taken care of. It may not feel like it, but He is watching out for me, and for all of us.

I am someone who wants hard evidence and proof. How do I know that God is taking care of me? Why should I trust someone that I cannot see? Why should I believe that everything is going to turn out exactly how it is supposed to? I do not have a perfect answer to these difficult questions. However, I believe that the people in my life and the blessings that surround me give me some great clues. I am healthy. I am safe. I am only temporarily separated from Notre Dame. My best friends are still the best friends in the world. I have a wonderful chance to spend time with my Mom and create goods for an online business (with her help, of course). I have the opportunity to explore my passions and my vocation by volunteering at University Hospital and playing piano at a local Church on Sundays. I am in a place where I can heal. All is well. These are the things that prove to me that God is holding my deck of cards safely in His hands, playing each card as  they are meant to be played. And in the end? We all win the game, if we can trust and have a little faith.

Words Truly,

Maggie

In a Pickle

Dear Friends,

As I have mentioned previously, one of the major products in my Etsy shop are glass dome pendants containing vintage sheet music, dictionary entries, and Bible verses. As a self-proclaimed "craft cripple," who can barely cut paper in a straight line, I believed that this craft promised to be simplistic, yet rewarding. Thus far, I have been incredibly wrong. I have been running into a variety of issues while making my glass dome pendants. In nearly every necklace I have made to date, air bubbles pop up under the glass after a day or two; in addition, a glittery veneer is speckled across the image, giving the necklace a tacky appearance. 

Air Bubbles

Note the glittery veneer above the word "shines."

These small problems were frustrating and my family and I spent much time debating if they lowered the quality of the products. At the end of the day, my perfectionist tendencies got the better of me, and I decided I had to find a solution to the problem. My Mom and I got together, brainstormed the variables that could be causing the problems, and designed an experiment. Only two women with degrees (or pursuing degrees) in the sciences would create a trial-and-error process to find a solution to a crafting problem.

The experiment

We divided the variables into three major categories: Sealant, Adhesive, and Process. We tested sheet music that was sealed in packing tape and sheet music that was not sealed at all. In addition, we sealed the paper with Modge Podge. The four adhesives tested were Sun and Moon Glaze, E-6000, a generic Glass and Bead Craft Glue, and Modge Podge.

Finally, a variety of processes were used. In the first process, we "floated" the glass dome and adhesive onto the sheet music; we did not press down, but simply let the dome sit on top of the sheet music. In the second process, we pressed the glass dome and adhesive down onto the sheet music and held it for approximately one minute. Finally, we pressed the glass dome and adhesive down onto the sheet music, held it for approximately one minute, and placed a weight on top of it. As you can see, we got a little creative, using jars of salsa and pickles!

Wish us luck in figuring out the solution to our crafting pickle!

Words Truly,

Maggie 

Lark Rise to Candleford: My One Weakness

Dear Friends

The past week has been filled with a sniffly nose, nasty cough, and a sore throat. This week is a new beginning, filled with much of the same and pink eye. Joy, joy. Throughout this week of sickness, I have channeled my inner child and taken part in the traditional activity that I engaged in when home sick from school when I was younger--I watched TV! Growing up without cable television, my siblings and I did not watch exceptional amounts of television. We were limited to PBS and the occasional family movie on ABC. We watched a million Disney movies and episodes of Rescue Heroes and That's So Raven. PBS has always been a fond favorite of mine (I'm still voting for Romney even if he cuts PBS and sends it back to the state government...) and in recent years, I have been taken in by a variety of the BBC dramas shown on PBS. 

My current favorite is Downton Abbey, a costume drama set in pre-World War I England that juxtaposes the rich, upper-class Granthams with their hired help who live downstairs. It is absolutely enrapturing, romantic,  heart-felt, heated, and hilarious. Fans of Jane Austen, Sherlock, soap operas, and witty humor will love Downton Abbey. The cast includes a variety of well-known British actors, including Maggie Smith (or Professor McGonagall for you Potterheads out there!). Check out these Top 10 "Maggie Moments" from Season One!

Downton Abbey is shown approximately four months after it airs in London. The third season is currently showing across the ocean right now and us Americans are anxiously awaiting the premiere of Season Three in January. To satiate my appetite for exquisite British dramas, my Mom has introduced me to another excellent BBC drama, "Lark Rise to Candleford."

Lark Rise is based on a literary trilogy of the same name by Flora Thompson, and tells the story of a country hamlet, Lark Rise, and a neighboring city, Candleford, which contains people of greater class and fortune, setting the stage for an excellent drama about class warfare, changing times, rights, and, of course, romance. The story is told through the eyes of Laura Timmins, a sixteen-year old girl from Lark Rise who is given a job in the post office of Candleford. The post office is run by a Dorcas Lane, a woman; a business run by a woman was quite a shock in those days. Dorcas is a kindred spirit, an intelligent businesswoman, can match any man's attempts to outwit her, and has a tendency to have a weakness or two-check out this video to see what I mean.

I find that I relate and aspire to Dorcas, who is a strong, independent woman with progressive ideas and a huge mouth. I love her ambition, pride, heart, and care for others. She does not define herself by a man and believes that women have always been equal to men. She is not afraid to speak her mind and desires to help everyone around her, even if that means crossing boundaries and meddling in others' affairs. If you love Downton Abbey, or any BBC drama for that matter, check out Lark Rise to Candleford. It has easily become my one weakness.

Words Truly,

Maggie

A Creative Post About the Topic of My Choice

Dear Friends,

I think I should more carefully plan these blog posts, as I just had to refer to yesterday's blog post to see what topic I am to write about on Thursdays. Boy I wish I was kidding, but that is real life right there folks! Nonetheless, I think I have a spectacular post topic that I think about half of my readers will love and the other half will hate. So, without further ado, I bring you my first ever blog post about...

Shoes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA

I know my dearest mother, Maiden Jane, is one of the haters of this post. I'm sure she will comment below that I have too many shoes and I need to get rid of them. She once tried to impose a shoe rule on my sister and I: For every new pair of shoes you bring into the house, you must remove one. I bet she regretted that when we threw all of her shoes in the garbage...Okay, that didn't really happen, but she did indeed suggest this rule to us in the hopes we would see the common sense behind it. Well, Mom, I understand. I see the common sense. I just don't like it. After all, don't I have enough common sense to get me through the more important things in life?

I will forever maintain that I do not have too many shoes. Compared to some of my wonderful friends, I have very few shoes. I would say I own approximately 15 pairs of shoes, plus or minus five shoes depending on the season. I wear them until they have holes and I rarely ever purchase shoes that are not on sale. I also believe your shoes tell a story. There are so many quotes related to shoes, feet, and walking.

Shoes are important. They carry us through our life, quite literally. As I mused about this blog post, I realized my shoes tell quite a story about myself, and my life. I thought it would be fun (mostly for me :D) to share some of my favorite pairs of shoes with you, and in doing so, share a little footprint of my life as well.

Being the perennial organizer, I have managed to find a way to keep my personal collection of shoes nicely ordered and stored under my bed in this handy contraption.

My mother is not a fan of heels in general, and she especially does not like my collection of stilettos. "Mom, they aren't that high" is a frequent utterance from my mouth as I parade around in a pair of heels. This pair of black patent leather stilettos was my first "real" pair of heels. These shoes have carried me through countless Singing Angels concerts, high school band and choir concerts, and dressier events that require I elevate myself a few extra inches off the ground. These shoes have lasted me four years and, though they are quite beat up, I plan to wear them as long as I can!

Homecoming and Prom were two additional sources of grief for my poor Mom (I am making her out to be a great martyr, I know. Relish it, Mom.), as it involved a new dress, pair of shoes, jewelry, hair styles, corsages, makeup, and the like. I am very lucky to have a skilled seamstress for a mother, and she either made or changed nearly every dress I wore. This pair of shoes carried me through some of the most beautiful nights of my life. I went to prom with my best friend two years in a row and had an incredible time with him! He is still and always will be my best friend, and these shoes are a little reminder of that. They are on their last leg after so many dances, but I can't bear to throw them out just yet!

Scratched, bruised, and missing a few gems!

The next set of shoes commemorate another fanciful night celebrate this past July. My beautiful cousin Mary and her fiancee Eddie got married after being together since college! Given my crazy, huge, wonderful family, it was sure to be the event of the summer. All the ladies were giddy about the prospect of new dresses and shoes, and I was no exception. I settled on this classic nautical-style dress for the wedding ceremony, where my friends Brian and Paige shared their beautiful voices for the Mass. 

Due to the red belt, I paired it with these red high heels! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5Ri8GY57SI)

For the reception, I wore this 1920's flapper-style dress, a gift from my "Fairy Godparents." (Don't worry if you don't know who they are, that's a whole separate post!) I purchased the one shoe-splurge I have ever engaged in with these nude Vince Camuto designer pumps. Needless to say, I love them!

This blog post is turning out to be quite lengthy, but I only have a few pairs of shoes left. Female shoe code dictates that I must share them with you!

This summer, I began running, with the help of the "Couch to 5K" App downloaded from the iTunes Store. My Mom successfully trained for a 5K using this program and I figured I would give it a shot. I purchased a new pair of tennis shoes after buying an awful pair of running shoes the summer before that left my feet screaming in pain. These shoes have now run their first official 5K, the "Run Jane Run" race at Edgewater Park in Cleveland! I have managed to injure my ankle, but once that is healed, I will be hitting the pavement once again in these guys!

Now for a bit of a change...I am a hopeless bargain shopper. I love sales, deals, and stretching my dollar. One of my favorite stores to shop at is Marc's, a local grocery store. Marc's also carries about ten aisles of random, funky closeouts that they buy up from other stores. Recently, they have been purchasing a TON of Target merchandise. I have purchased a great many Target-brand shirts from Marc's, as well as a few pairs of shoes. These two pairs were $3.99 and $5.99, and I simply could not pass them up. Are the impractical? Incredibly. Do I love them? Absolutely. 

Last, but not least are these knock-off Toms shoes I purchased at Big Lots (yay bargain shopping!). These are going to be my next craft project once I dig up my sister's fabric markers. I will be taking these shoes and decorating them from front to back in my favorite quotes. I have seen a variety of different decorated shoes on Etsy, and I absolutely love them! I am not the greatest artist in the world, but I think I can handle the written word, which is perhaps what I am best at!

Well friends, there you have it. Shoes can carry quite a bit of meaning, albeit sentimental and sometimes cheesy. Shoes are a blessing we are apt to forget. Many people in this world do not have the simple gift of a pair of shoes. We must also remember to spend some of our time running barefoot in the grass, letting it tickle our toes. I won't bother to make a relevant, but trite metaphor here about how we should live our lives in such a way as to allow ourselves to "run barefoot" sometimes and live freely. Shoes are important, and they literally carry us through our lives. However, I must never forget that we come here to this world with nothing and take nothing with us the day we leave, shoes included. 

Words Truly,

Maggie