Dear Friends,
Frustration is a word we know all too well. Frustration with school, work, church, kids, parents, friends, the list goes on and on. I believe my dear mother saves up all of your frustrations for an annual "Festivus" Blog Post. I find myself sitting here on a cold, rainy Sunday feeling incredibly frustrated for a variety of reasons. I'm in one of those philosophical "pondering" moods and this is the subject that keeps creeping back into my mind. Why do we get frustrated? What does it even mean to be frustrated? The more I type the word frustrated, the more it does not look like a real word! How frustrating... Being a word girl, I went to my handy (online) dictionary and looked up the definition of frustration. It is defined as "the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of the inability to change or achieve something." I think frustration is not classified as such due to the first part of this definition, the feeling of being upset or annoyed. We are frequently upset about thousands of different things each day, from the pathetic state of our Cleveland sports teams to the state of Catholic Church music (okay, maybe those are just
my frustrations...). However, this does not always lead us to frustration. I think the key to frustration is the second part of the definition. We become frustrated by the inability to change or achieve something. Unattainable goals. Low prospects. Failed attempts. We begin to look like this poor woman, whose frustration I can understand--she is probably using a computer made in China, running Windows.
Alas, frustration runs rampant in our lives. I have been feeling frustrated all day for many reasons. My glass dome necklaces, the highlight of my new Etsy shop, have been causing me a smorgasbord of issues, from air bubbles under the domes to glue that refuses to dry all the way and glue that dries too quickly. I have been trying to perfect the creative process of putting these vintage necklaces together and, to paraphrase Thomas Edison, have found plenty of ways not to make good quality vintage necklaces! With each failure, I start to look more and more like our Windows-running friend shown above. The joy of crafting slowly fades away and frustration takes over. Why am I even trying to make these stupid necklaces? I'm never going to sell any! This is pointless! These negative thoughts invade the mind and I am officially filled with frustration.
A more poignant example: As I mentioned previously, I am home from school on medical leave for a semester. Though I am not ready to delve into the details just yet, I will say that I am dealing with some pretty tricky illnesses founded in the mind--mental illnesses, for the colloquial, though I dislike this phrase because it somehow makes these diseases seem less physical. In reality, mental illnesses are no different from cancer, a broken leg, or the common cold as far as their "physicality" is concerned. My personal demons take the form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, with a side of Depression. I do not mean to trivialize Depression with that statement. I simply mean that I am suffering from what is known as a Reactive Depression, which occurs "comorbid," or at the same time as the primary disorder (OCD in my case). These illnesses are not new to me, as I have been dealing and coping with them very well since the beginning of high school. However, after becoming very sick with these illnesses a few days into my sophomore year, so much so that I could barely function, my family and I made the decision to come home and take a medical leave of absence for the semester in order to focus on my health. Since then, frustration has been a constant presence. I am downright frustrated. I am frustrated that I am not at Notre Dame, my beautiful second home, with the friends I love. I am frustrated that I have to somehow fight these illnesses that I cannot even see. I am frustrated because progress comes in baby steps and there are often no immediate, daily results from difficult, intensive therapy. I am frustrated at God, because I don't understand what He is doing, and I hate not understanding things. And that's when I stop.
I am frustrated at God, because I don't understand what He is doing. That sentence always brings me back to Earth a little bit and pulls things into perspective. While reading a wonderful book given to me by some dear friends, a little light bulb went off in my head. The book "God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life's Little Detours," written by local author Regina Brett, contains a chapter on its cover lesson-God never blinks. This concept provides a beautiful image and gives me comfort and peace when frustration with God sets in.God does not blink. He sees the whole picture. He is not limited by time and space. He understands His plans for me, for all of us, and I need to trust Him.
C.S. Lewis described this concept in his fantastic work, The Screwtape Letters, which I highly recommend to anyone with the ability to read. In this satirical work, the senior demon Screwtape pens letters to his nephew Wormwood, who is a "demon in-training." He attempts to educated Wormwood about the process of luring human beings to sin and, ultimately, to Hell. God is referred to as "the Enemy," who is constantly playing for the hearts of the humans, much to the chagrin of the army of demons. In one epistle to Wormwood, Screwtape describes God as living in the "unbounded Now." He, unlike humanity, is not bound by time and space, and can see the whole picture as it is being painted. We cannot easily experience "Now." By the time we comprehend "Now," it has come and gone into the realm of "Was." We as humans are limited by the time and space we inhabit. It is impossible for us to live fully in the "Now," no matter how many self-help books about living in the present we devour. This concept alone can be very frustrating! However, when I find myself frustrated at God, I try to remember that He never blinks.
Frustration. We all experience it. When we are upset by something and then are unable or incapable of changing this upsetting circumstance, we feel frustration. No one is exempt from the frustrations of this world. My thoughts on frustration circle around to this simple concept: God is in control. No matter how frustrating something feels, God will unravel the knots and the trials of this life will fall into place before our eyes. It may not be in an hour, tomorrow, next week, or even next year. As the song "
Shake It Out" goes, "Every demon wants his pound of flesh, but I like to keep some things to myself...Shake it out, shake it out...it's hard to dance with the devil on your back...it's always darkest before the dawn." Before you let the demon of frustration rule your life, take a deep breath and say, "Okay, God. Fill in the blanks. You don't blink and I trust you to see me through the dark."
And when all else fails? Use this handy dandy tool! :)
Words Truly,
Maggie
