Heartbreaking

Dear Friends,

While listening to the radio today, I heard the most tragic, heartbreaking story I have heard in a long time. On Wednesday, a 15-year old girl jumped in front of a train in Staten Island and committed suicide. So many thoughts rushed through my head. Who is to blame? Why did she do this? Why does God let these things happen? Another young life, so full of promise, was lost. The radio station reporting the story had been discussing bullying over the past few days. One of the hosts had shared her story the day prior, discussing how she had been a victim of bullying as a child. In 6th grade, this woman had been shoved into lockers, punched, and threatened with death by other children. What??? Just writing those words breaks my heart into a million pieces. A father called in to the radio show and described how he and his daughter heard the host sharing her story. The little girl turned to her father and said, "I'm not the only one, Dad?" What is going on in our culture, in our society, in our world? 

Suicide is an incredibly difficult, sensitive subject. It is not simple. We cannot necessarily say the students who bullied the 15-year old girl above are to blame for her suicide. 90% of those who commit suicide have been diagnosed with mental disorders. It is fair to conclude that there is a link between mental illness and suicide. Personally, I believe that most cases of suicide occur in the context of a mental disorder, be it depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or another disease of the mind. Reading the news story about 15-year old Felicia Garcia indicates that she was struggling with depression and had lived a troubled life as a foster child who frequently ran away from home. I do not believe her classmates are to blame for her actions. However, I do believe these students failed to give Felicia what she needed so desperately: love. On this Earth, we are ultimately called to one vocation: to love. If we love, we succeed. In our society today, love seems to be vacant in the lives of so many. Imagine what it would look like if we took the time to love our family members, friends, classmates, and neighbors. Imagine what it would look life if we took the time to ask these people how they are, not because it is the social norm to say, "Hi, how are you," but because we truly care. 

I believe bullying and suicide can be prevented. But it will not go away by putting a poster on the wall that says "No Bullying Zone." It will not go away by simply telling our kids not to be bullies or to not to be bullied. We must open our eyes. Parents need to parent. They need to be involved in the lives of their children. I am so incredibly blessed to have parents who are involved in every facet of my life, yet allow me the independence I need to grow as an individual. I have met many parents who do not know half of what their children experience and deal with on a daily basis. Teachers need to teach. They do not need to be parents. However, they cannot turn a blind eye to bullying and blatant actions of hate. Even in my wonderful Catholic High School, I witnessed obvious bullying of students. I witnessed teachers witnessing the bullying and turning away. I have seen how cruel kids can be. Children do not come out of the womb perfect, but they also do not come out of the womb as hateful and unkind creatures. If a child can learn to be a bully, then he or she can learn to love. 

I do not know what my purpose in posting this entry is. After hearing this story, I simply felt compelled to write a post about it. Bullying and suicide, both as separate instances and as linked instances, snap my heart into an infinite number of pieces. Both actions are so devoid of love. I hope and pray we begin to look around and spread love to our neighbors, classmates, friends, and strangers. May God guide us.

Words Truly,

Maggie

Hallelujah!

Dear Friends,

Hallelujah, Praise the Lord! My glass dome pendant experiment was successful! I have officially finalized my pendant-making process and have finished over 25 pendants, with many more on the creation table right now. I will be listing the necklaces throughout this week and next, so keep your eyes peeled for some beautiful vintage pendants! Check out my shop now: this is the last time it will be so empty!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/WordsTruly

Sorry for the quick post (and failure to post on Saturday)~it has been a busy day and I am still recovering from an exhausting weekend at Notre Dame!

Jump Mom!

Words Truly,

Maggie

Do One Thing Every day That Scares You

Dear Friends,

"Do one thing every day that scares you."~Eleanor Roosevelt

Eleanor Roosevelt is one of my favorite female figures of all time--she was a strong woman, she was brilliant, she refused to let her husband's infidelity run or ruin her life, and she spoke eloquently and beautifully. In addition to the quote "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," which is attributed to Eleanor, the above quote by her is one of my favorites. Do one thing every day that scares you. This is a reality I am living quite literally. 

If you have been keeping up on my blog posts, you know I am home from Notre Dame on medical leave for this semester. I briefly explained why, but I would like to elaborate on my situation. At the end of freshman year of high school, when I was 14 years old, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I had been experiencing high levels of anxiety and constant intrusive thoughts that interfered with my ability to function. Anxiety disorders are not uncommon in my extended family, and my parents knew what steps to take when I came to them, sobbing in the middle of the night. After seeing a variety of doctors, I began taking medicine for the anxiety and, overall, things stabilized. The remainder of high school was relatively anxiety free (disordered anxiety anyways! :D). I saw a psychologist for a little while, but the medicine worked so quickly that I did not develop any lasting tools and skills in therapy. Then came college, Notre Dame, and a downward spiral into anxiety, panic, and OCD.

I will always describe my first year at Notre Dame as one of the most amazing years of my life. I met some of the most beautiful people in the world. I began to live my lifelong dream. I took the most difficult and wonderful classes I had ever experienced. I grew in my faith. I was in Heaven on Earth. But it was not perfect. I had a difficult time transitioning to school. I was homesick. I tried out for the famous Marching Band of the Fighting Irish, made it, hated it, and quit. I had new faces and new foods to adapt to. It was not as easy and simple as I expected college to be. In light of all of these changes, my anxiety and OCD spiked to very high levels. Times of change and great stress are apt to aggravate most mental disorders. I was no exception. After about two months, I was settled in to school, I felt comfortable at my new home, and the constant anxiety and OCD had diminished. However, much of the year was peppered with what I call "spikes," times when the OCD is more prevalent and bothersome. I saw a psychologist throughout the year through Notre Dame's incredible counseling center and made a good deal of progress. I realized that OCD was not something that would magically disappear with medication, like it seemed to do in high school. I knew I needed to engage my disorder and learn how to live with it.

I could go on and on about the ups and downs, the peaks and troughs, the triumphs and struggles of my battle with OCD and anxiety. There are days I seriously consider writing a book about my story. Perhaps I will. To save time and space in this already lengthy blog post, I will skip ahead to this year. After a wonderful, busy summer, I was jumping for joy to return to the place and people I missed so much. I moved in, said goodbye to my family with only a few tears, and began the busy rush of school. After three wonderful days, I had my first panic attack. I do not remember what happened to cause it (usually nothing), but after the first one, I had six or seven panic attacks each day. My OCD flared up to the highest levels I had ever experienced. It was a struggle to get through the day, an hour, ten minutes. After two long weeks, many trips to the counseling center, a hospital stay to change medication, and many tears, the panic attacks subsided, but I fell into a deep reactive depression. I had gone from being on overdrive 24/7 to limp, lifeless, and lethargic. Eventually, my family and I, in tandem with my dorm rector and various Notre Dame personnel, decided to take a medical leave of absence for this semester in order to assess the situation and receive the proper treatment. I was terrified during those three weeks. First, I was terrified I would have to leave Notre Dame. Then, I had to make the decision to do what scared me the most. After coming home, it was time to begin a whole new journey of facing my fears.

I am now participating in an intensive outpatient therapy program for OCD, which has been the common thread throughout this struggle. The focal point of therapy is what is known as "Exposure and Response Prevention." This brings me to the crux of this blog post. Exposure is essentially doing exactly what Eleanor Roosevelt suggests in her aforementioned quote: Do one thing every day that scares you. OCD has two components. The first is an obsession, which is an intrusive thought that comes into your mind. Examples of common obsessions include the well-known contamination fears (Monk anyone?), violent obsessions, scrupulosity, sexual obsessions, and many, many more. The second is a compulsion, which is a reaction to the obsession. This is what OCD truly is; when you experience an upsetting, intrusive thought, people with OCD respond with a compulsion that temporarily neutralizes the anxiety caused by the thought. However, it is a vicious cycle that feeds upon itself to strengthen the OCD and weaken its prey. Exposure and Response Prevention combats this by literally exposing oneself to the feared environment or subject. For example, if you fear spiders, an example of Exposure would be first sitting in a room with a spider in a cage, then sitting next to the cage, then opening the cage, then holding the spider. Eleanor Roosevelt hit the nail on the head: to overcome our fears, we must face them head on. I am currently engaged in a number of exposures that are becoming increasingly intense and difficult. Exposure is not fun. If it was fun, OCD would not be a concern! It is terrifying to deliberately terrify myself, but I know the end result is worth it. I cannot wait for the day when I can say I have learned to cope with OCD. 

I intend to do additional blog posts about my struggles with OCD and anxiety for two reasons. First, I hope that I can help educate others about the complicated nature of mental disorders and OCD. Second, I pray that others with mental disorders know it is not something to hide or be ashamed of. It is no different than any "physical" ailment, such as a broken bone, mono, or cancer. Mental disorders are treatable. It often involves taking a big step. It involves doing the things that scare us to death. It involves taking a huge leap of faith. 

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Words Truly,

Maggie

New Etsy Items!

Dear Friends,

I have a rather short, but exciting post for you all today! I have posted some new note cards on my Etsy shop that I would love for you to check out! Each set of note cards is printed with a quote from a beloved book or author. 

My current reading obsession is anything by C.S. Lewis --the man is simply brilliant and if you have never read anything by him, you have to get to the library stat! I recently saw a stage version of the novel "The Screwtape Letters" with my friend and it renewed my love for Lewis. I am currently  reading The Great Divorce and loving it!

This set of note cards contains three quotes from The Four Loves. Go to my Etsy shop by clicking on the picture to read the special quotes on the cards!

The next note card set is themed on The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by C.S. Lewis's dear friend J.R.R. Tolkien. I admit that I have yet to read this amazing trilogy, but it is on my reading list! These cards were inspired by my dear friend and roommate Hope, who loves LOTR as much as I love Lewis (though she is quite obsessed with him as well!). 

Finally, check out this set of note cards with wonderful quotes from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, one of the greatest children's literary classics of all time. Aslan is on the move...

Pardon the short blog post--it has been a long day of errands, meetings, laundry (yuck!), and technological mishaps. I look forward to writing a much lengthier blog post for your reading pleasure on Thursday. Have a wonderful evening!

Words Truly,

Maggie

The Only Thing On My Mind Today...

Go Irish!

6-0, here we come! Say your Hail Mary's!

Words Truly,

Maggie

Musings: God's Deck of Cards

Dear Friends,

It's Thursday, and that means I get to write about my musings--things I ponder and think about from time to time that hold significance in my life, and possibly in yours. Life is one, big, crazy unknown vortex, filled with surprises, excitement, sadness, pain, laughter, and hope. We are all trying to find a little sense and peace in the entropy of the world, and I hope you enjoy reading my thoughts on the subject.

I was talking to my best friend last night, and he said something incredibly profound (rare for him...just kidding :D). When we are faced with decisions and tough situations, trust God. He may be waiting to play a card. The card may never leave the deck. He may have already played the card, or is playing a card that trumps all the others in the hand. These statements really resounded with me. I have been feeling somewhat distant from God the past week, not for one particular reason--just separated. Over the past month, I have had a very difficult time trusting God. I am on medical leave from the school of my dreams. I do not know when I will be able to return. My studies and career path are influenced by this delay, adding another layer of confusion. I am far away from all of my friends. Relationships are changing, ebbing and flowing. Trust is the last thing I feel capable of. My best friend's words brought me back to the ground again and reminded me that God has it all taken care of. It may not feel like it, but He is watching out for me, and for all of us.

I am someone who wants hard evidence and proof. How do I know that God is taking care of me? Why should I trust someone that I cannot see? Why should I believe that everything is going to turn out exactly how it is supposed to? I do not have a perfect answer to these difficult questions. However, I believe that the people in my life and the blessings that surround me give me some great clues. I am healthy. I am safe. I am only temporarily separated from Notre Dame. My best friends are still the best friends in the world. I have a wonderful chance to spend time with my Mom and create goods for an online business (with her help, of course). I have the opportunity to explore my passions and my vocation by volunteering at University Hospital and playing piano at a local Church on Sundays. I am in a place where I can heal. All is well. These are the things that prove to me that God is holding my deck of cards safely in His hands, playing each card as  they are meant to be played. And in the end? We all win the game, if we can trust and have a little faith.

Words Truly,

Maggie

In a Pickle

Dear Friends,

As I have mentioned previously, one of the major products in my Etsy shop are glass dome pendants containing vintage sheet music, dictionary entries, and Bible verses. As a self-proclaimed "craft cripple," who can barely cut paper in a straight line, I believed that this craft promised to be simplistic, yet rewarding. Thus far, I have been incredibly wrong. I have been running into a variety of issues while making my glass dome pendants. In nearly every necklace I have made to date, air bubbles pop up under the glass after a day or two; in addition, a glittery veneer is speckled across the image, giving the necklace a tacky appearance. 

Air Bubbles

Note the glittery veneer above the word "shines."

These small problems were frustrating and my family and I spent much time debating if they lowered the quality of the products. At the end of the day, my perfectionist tendencies got the better of me, and I decided I had to find a solution to the problem. My Mom and I got together, brainstormed the variables that could be causing the problems, and designed an experiment. Only two women with degrees (or pursuing degrees) in the sciences would create a trial-and-error process to find a solution to a crafting problem.

The experiment

We divided the variables into three major categories: Sealant, Adhesive, and Process. We tested sheet music that was sealed in packing tape and sheet music that was not sealed at all. In addition, we sealed the paper with Modge Podge. The four adhesives tested were Sun and Moon Glaze, E-6000, a generic Glass and Bead Craft Glue, and Modge Podge.

Finally, a variety of processes were used. In the first process, we "floated" the glass dome and adhesive onto the sheet music; we did not press down, but simply let the dome sit on top of the sheet music. In the second process, we pressed the glass dome and adhesive down onto the sheet music and held it for approximately one minute. Finally, we pressed the glass dome and adhesive down onto the sheet music, held it for approximately one minute, and placed a weight on top of it. As you can see, we got a little creative, using jars of salsa and pickles!

Wish us luck in figuring out the solution to our crafting pickle!

Words Truly,

Maggie 

Lark Rise to Candleford: My One Weakness

Dear Friends

The past week has been filled with a sniffly nose, nasty cough, and a sore throat. This week is a new beginning, filled with much of the same and pink eye. Joy, joy. Throughout this week of sickness, I have channeled my inner child and taken part in the traditional activity that I engaged in when home sick from school when I was younger--I watched TV! Growing up without cable television, my siblings and I did not watch exceptional amounts of television. We were limited to PBS and the occasional family movie on ABC. We watched a million Disney movies and episodes of Rescue Heroes and That's So Raven. PBS has always been a fond favorite of mine (I'm still voting for Romney even if he cuts PBS and sends it back to the state government...) and in recent years, I have been taken in by a variety of the BBC dramas shown on PBS. 

My current favorite is Downton Abbey, a costume drama set in pre-World War I England that juxtaposes the rich, upper-class Granthams with their hired help who live downstairs. It is absolutely enrapturing, romantic,  heart-felt, heated, and hilarious. Fans of Jane Austen, Sherlock, soap operas, and witty humor will love Downton Abbey. The cast includes a variety of well-known British actors, including Maggie Smith (or Professor McGonagall for you Potterheads out there!). Check out these Top 10 "Maggie Moments" from Season One!

Downton Abbey is shown approximately four months after it airs in London. The third season is currently showing across the ocean right now and us Americans are anxiously awaiting the premiere of Season Three in January. To satiate my appetite for exquisite British dramas, my Mom has introduced me to another excellent BBC drama, "Lark Rise to Candleford."

Lark Rise is based on a literary trilogy of the same name by Flora Thompson, and tells the story of a country hamlet, Lark Rise, and a neighboring city, Candleford, which contains people of greater class and fortune, setting the stage for an excellent drama about class warfare, changing times, rights, and, of course, romance. The story is told through the eyes of Laura Timmins, a sixteen-year old girl from Lark Rise who is given a job in the post office of Candleford. The post office is run by a Dorcas Lane, a woman; a business run by a woman was quite a shock in those days. Dorcas is a kindred spirit, an intelligent businesswoman, can match any man's attempts to outwit her, and has a tendency to have a weakness or two-check out this video to see what I mean.

I find that I relate and aspire to Dorcas, who is a strong, independent woman with progressive ideas and a huge mouth. I love her ambition, pride, heart, and care for others. She does not define herself by a man and believes that women have always been equal to men. She is not afraid to speak her mind and desires to help everyone around her, even if that means crossing boundaries and meddling in others' affairs. If you love Downton Abbey, or any BBC drama for that matter, check out Lark Rise to Candleford. It has easily become my one weakness.

Words Truly,

Maggie

A Creative Post About the Topic of My Choice

Dear Friends,

I think I should more carefully plan these blog posts, as I just had to refer to yesterday's blog post to see what topic I am to write about on Thursdays. Boy I wish I was kidding, but that is real life right there folks! Nonetheless, I think I have a spectacular post topic that I think about half of my readers will love and the other half will hate. So, without further ado, I bring you my first ever blog post about...

Shoes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA

I know my dearest mother, Maiden Jane, is one of the haters of this post. I'm sure she will comment below that I have too many shoes and I need to get rid of them. She once tried to impose a shoe rule on my sister and I: For every new pair of shoes you bring into the house, you must remove one. I bet she regretted that when we threw all of her shoes in the garbage...Okay, that didn't really happen, but she did indeed suggest this rule to us in the hopes we would see the common sense behind it. Well, Mom, I understand. I see the common sense. I just don't like it. After all, don't I have enough common sense to get me through the more important things in life?

I will forever maintain that I do not have too many shoes. Compared to some of my wonderful friends, I have very few shoes. I would say I own approximately 15 pairs of shoes, plus or minus five shoes depending on the season. I wear them until they have holes and I rarely ever purchase shoes that are not on sale. I also believe your shoes tell a story. There are so many quotes related to shoes, feet, and walking.

Shoes are important. They carry us through our life, quite literally. As I mused about this blog post, I realized my shoes tell quite a story about myself, and my life. I thought it would be fun (mostly for me :D) to share some of my favorite pairs of shoes with you, and in doing so, share a little footprint of my life as well.

Being the perennial organizer, I have managed to find a way to keep my personal collection of shoes nicely ordered and stored under my bed in this handy contraption.

My mother is not a fan of heels in general, and she especially does not like my collection of stilettos. "Mom, they aren't that high" is a frequent utterance from my mouth as I parade around in a pair of heels. This pair of black patent leather stilettos was my first "real" pair of heels. These shoes have carried me through countless Singing Angels concerts, high school band and choir concerts, and dressier events that require I elevate myself a few extra inches off the ground. These shoes have lasted me four years and, though they are quite beat up, I plan to wear them as long as I can!

Homecoming and Prom were two additional sources of grief for my poor Mom (I am making her out to be a great martyr, I know. Relish it, Mom.), as it involved a new dress, pair of shoes, jewelry, hair styles, corsages, makeup, and the like. I am very lucky to have a skilled seamstress for a mother, and she either made or changed nearly every dress I wore. This pair of shoes carried me through some of the most beautiful nights of my life. I went to prom with my best friend two years in a row and had an incredible time with him! He is still and always will be my best friend, and these shoes are a little reminder of that. They are on their last leg after so many dances, but I can't bear to throw them out just yet!

Scratched, bruised, and missing a few gems!

The next set of shoes commemorate another fanciful night celebrate this past July. My beautiful cousin Mary and her fiancee Eddie got married after being together since college! Given my crazy, huge, wonderful family, it was sure to be the event of the summer. All the ladies were giddy about the prospect of new dresses and shoes, and I was no exception. I settled on this classic nautical-style dress for the wedding ceremony, where my friends Brian and Paige shared their beautiful voices for the Mass. 

Due to the red belt, I paired it with these red high heels! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5Ri8GY57SI)

For the reception, I wore this 1920's flapper-style dress, a gift from my "Fairy Godparents." (Don't worry if you don't know who they are, that's a whole separate post!) I purchased the one shoe-splurge I have ever engaged in with these nude Vince Camuto designer pumps. Needless to say, I love them!

This blog post is turning out to be quite lengthy, but I only have a few pairs of shoes left. Female shoe code dictates that I must share them with you!

This summer, I began running, with the help of the "Couch to 5K" App downloaded from the iTunes Store. My Mom successfully trained for a 5K using this program and I figured I would give it a shot. I purchased a new pair of tennis shoes after buying an awful pair of running shoes the summer before that left my feet screaming in pain. These shoes have now run their first official 5K, the "Run Jane Run" race at Edgewater Park in Cleveland! I have managed to injure my ankle, but once that is healed, I will be hitting the pavement once again in these guys!

Now for a bit of a change...I am a hopeless bargain shopper. I love sales, deals, and stretching my dollar. One of my favorite stores to shop at is Marc's, a local grocery store. Marc's also carries about ten aisles of random, funky closeouts that they buy up from other stores. Recently, they have been purchasing a TON of Target merchandise. I have purchased a great many Target-brand shirts from Marc's, as well as a few pairs of shoes. These two pairs were $3.99 and $5.99, and I simply could not pass them up. Are the impractical? Incredibly. Do I love them? Absolutely. 

Last, but not least are these knock-off Toms shoes I purchased at Big Lots (yay bargain shopping!). These are going to be my next craft project once I dig up my sister's fabric markers. I will be taking these shoes and decorating them from front to back in my favorite quotes. I have seen a variety of different decorated shoes on Etsy, and I absolutely love them! I am not the greatest artist in the world, but I think I can handle the written word, which is perhaps what I am best at!

Well friends, there you have it. Shoes can carry quite a bit of meaning, albeit sentimental and sometimes cheesy. Shoes are a blessing we are apt to forget. Many people in this world do not have the simple gift of a pair of shoes. We must also remember to spend some of our time running barefoot in the grass, letting it tickle our toes. I won't bother to make a relevant, but trite metaphor here about how we should live our lives in such a way as to allow ourselves to "run barefoot" sometimes and live freely. Shoes are important, and they literally carry us through our lives. However, I must never forget that we come here to this world with nothing and take nothing with us the day we leave, shoes included. 

Words Truly,

Maggie

So Much to Say, So Little Time!

Dear Friends,

Wow! I cannot believe it has been nearly a week since I last posted! This should come as no surprise to me, as I have been very busy working on my Etsy shop, I joined a gym (yikes!), I have been working on homework (yes, I do miss it that much), and I visited my wonderful second home at ND this weekend! However, it is mostly a surprise to me because, in general, I can't shut up. I fully except that I have a big, loud mouth that is constantly jabbering on about something. As I sit here wondering what this blog post should be about, a million different topics cross my mind--the upcoming presidential debates and elections, my continued efforts to perfect my Etsy products (and the struggles involved!), my recent trip to Notre Dame, Matt Maher, my HP failure of a computer, and love.

As much as I would love to write about all of those things and more today, I am on a bit of a time crunch. Thus, this quick blog post is a post about how much I have to say, what I would love to say, and how little time I have to say what I need to say (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQtGqmi2O2U). However, this blog post also comes with a promise: I will be posting a new blog every Monday, Thursday, and Saturday. Mondays will focus on my Etsy shop, Thursdays will be a creative post about the topic of my (or your!) choice, and Saturdays will be a post of about life, both mine and yours. I kind of made that all up as I typed it out, but now that it is in writing, I intend to stick with it. Since today is Wednesday, get ready for a spectacular post tomorrow!

Words Truly,

Maggie

P.S. Check out these fun Harry Potter-themed note cards printed with quotes from the novels that I just posted on my shop!
 https://www.etsy.com/listing/111145688/harry-potter-themed-note-card-set-with