OCD: De-Monked (Part 1 of a 5 part series)

Dear Friends,

Wow, it has been a crazy long time since I last blogged! Whether I chalk it up to business, laziness, or a mixture of both, it is good to be back. My next blogging adventure takes me back to the two-fold reason I created this blog in the first place--promoting my Etsy business, Words Truly, which I started since being home from Notre Dame, and blogging about life, love, and why in the world I came home from Notre Dame.

As I mentioned in my previous blog post, Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You, I came home from Notre Dame on medical leave to be treated for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. In that post, I gave a brief overview of my experience with OCD and anxiety disorders, the effect they have had on my life, and the treatment involved. Over the next few weeks, I will be blogging about OCD and will discuss various aspects of the disorder, lesser known facts, my personal demons, and treatment. The first of this five part series discusses what OCD is and is not, and the perception of OCD due to the (awesome) television show, Monk. The second blog post will discuss my two major OCD "themes" I have dealt with, as well as some other minor forms of OCD. The third blog post will discuss how having OCD has affected my life. The fourth blog post will address in detail the treatment in which I have been involved. Finally, the fifth blog post will address the question "What now?" I hope you will read these blog posts with an open mind and an open heart and allow yourself to learn something new.

The TV show, "Monk," tells the story of Adrian Monk, a former cop who suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. His wife, Trudy, was killed in a car bomb that was believed to be intended for Monk. After his wife's death, his OCD spiraled out of control and he reached a point of non-functionality. He was declared mentally unfit to serve as a police officer. After many years, he is able to begin working again as a consultant for the police. He has an uncanny ability to see details that others cannot and to solve mysteries that seem impossible to make sense of. He describes his disorder as "a gift and a curse," as it allows him to be the brilliant detective that he is while debilitating his every move. He is afraid of 312 various things, including milk, ladybugs, harmonicas, heights, imperfection, driving, food touching on his plate, and messes. The show takes a comedic look at OCD by depicting Monk as the "defective detective," the Rain Man of crime-solving world. 

Now, Monk is my favorite TV show of all-time. I absolutely adore this show and I cried when it ended. However, I also believe it gives OCD a very narrow and compacted persona to the rest of the world. If you watch Monk with no prior knowledge of OCD, this is the impression of OCD that you will receive: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is characterized by a fear of germs, dirt, and a lack of order and organization. It leads the sufferer to use baby wipes after shaking the hands of others, avoid messes and to organize disorder. It can actually be pretty funny to see someone who suffers from OCD try to interact with the rest of the world. This is what Monk teaches its viewers. While I love this show and laugh along with everyone else, I completely disagree with the picture of OCD that Monk paints. 

I believe there is a great lack of knowledge about mental disorders in our society today. This may be caused by a variety of issues. Schools may not be educating students beyond the very basics of mental disorders. For example, students learn that depression can lead to suicide, eating disorders include anorexia and bulimia, and OCD is a type of anxiety disorder. Students do not necessarily learn what to do when a friend is suicidal, the causes of eating disorders, or the various types of OCD. Another cause of this feeble understanding of mental disorders may be that it is a taboo topic, even in the 21st century. I also feel that shows like Monk give an impression that may be false or may not tell the entire story. I would like to debunk these impressions that Monk gives. 

OCD: De-Monked

1. OCD is characterized by a fear of germs, dirt, and a lack of order.

This is the biggest myth perpetuated by Monk. When I was first diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I had no idea that I was really suffering primarily from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. This was due in part to my familiarity with Monk. I had a perception that OCD was all about fearing germs, dirt, and items like books failing to be in alphabetical order. I was certainly experiencing fear, but it had nothing to do with these topics. After three years, I summoned the courage to do a Google search of my biggest "feared topic." My jaw literally dropped when I discovered a multitude of websites describing everything I had experienced as symptoms of OCD.

I will not go into great detail here, because this will be the topic of my second blog post, but I suffered from two major forms of OCD. The first is called "HOCD," or Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Now, before you get the wrong idea, this type of OCD is not a fear of homosexuals. HOCD is defined by Dr. Steven Seay, Ph.D. as follows: "a specific subtype of OCD that involves recurrent sexual obsessions and intrusive doubts about one’s sexual orientation." Essentially, HOCD is the fear that one is attracted to the same sex, despite feeling attracted to the opposite sex until this fear arose. HOCD has nothing to do with "homophobia" or political views on gay marriage. In fact, many homosexuals experience the same form of OCD, except they fear that they are straight, despite previously believing themselves to be attracted to the same sex. If you cannot wait for my second blog post, in which I will discuss HOCD further, check out this link for some great information about HOCD. 

The second major form of OCD I have experienced is known as "Self-Harm OCD." This is simply the fear of losing control and harming oneself. Self-Harm OCD encompasses the fear of cutting oneself, committing suicide, or bringing harm to oneself despite the fact that this desire does not exist. 

There are many other forms of OCD that go beyond the narrow definition provided by Monk. These fears include the fear that one might harming family members or friends, the fear that one might be a pedophile, the fear that God does not exist, despite being a strong believer, the fear that one will go to Hell, the fear that one's partner is cheating on them, the fear one will drive their car off the road and kill the passengers, and the fear of a specific number or word. This list is not exhaustive by any means, but it gives you an idea of the multi-faceted, complicated aspects of OCD. The fact that many people do not know about these other forms of OCD is detrimental because those who do suffer with these lesser-known forms of OCD often think something is very "wrong" with them. Many people with HOCD believe they should just accept that they are gay (or straight). In some cases, people have left happy marriages because the intrusive thoughts caused by the OCD were so painful and confusing! Parents with violent obsessions fear that they will be put into a mental institution for having terrible thoughts about harming their children. This lack of knowledge causes others to suffer in silence. 

2. OCD leads the sufferer to avoid the feared things, but the sufferer can still get through life with ease. 

OCD does lead the sufferer to avoid the feared things. However, Monk gives its viewers the idea that you can still be a successful, unaffected human being living a functional life with OCD that is as severe as Mr. Monk's. In my experience, it is not so simple. OCD permeates every aspect of your life and truly brings you to your knees. There are, of course, varying degrees of OCD. Some people are only bothered temporarily by this disorder. Others have mild cases that are barely noticeable. However, people like Mr. Monk and yours truly, whose OCD causes them to quit their jobs, take a leave from school, use a wipe every time they touch someone else's hand, and simply fail to function "normally," need to understand that they do not have to live that tortured life. Treatment is available and it does work. 

3. It can be pretty funny to see someone who suffers from OCD try to interact with the rest of the world. 

Monk provides a humorous conceptualization of OCD, and I can appreciate the jokes. I laugh myself silly when I watch Monk. However, on the flip side, all mental disorders, including OCD, are not laughing matters. I do not like that Monk trivializes a very serious disorder that truly hurts people and tears lives apart.  

Monk is a phenomenal TV show and I highly recommend everyone watch every episode of every season (all 8 of them!) like I did. But I encourage you to do so with this new information in mind. I encourage you to share what you have learned about OCD with your family, friends, co-workers, classmates, and peers. Mental disorders are often a silent epidemic because people are so afraid to talk about what they do not fully understand. I was one of those people who never elaborated on my specific anxieties and fears because I was terrified it would make the fears true, that if I said what I feared out loud, I would be carted off to a mental institution. Throughout this difficult time, I have met and talked to so many people about my experience. The common denominator in every conversation was this: Either the person I spoke with suffered from some form of mental struggle or knew a close friend or family member that did. Mental disorders are common. We need to do our part, take care of each other, and talk about these taboos. 

Words Truly,

Maggie