Resolute

Dear Friends,

The new year. Each year, we celebrate the death of one year and the birth of another. The death of struggles, pain, and difficulties and the birth of opportunity, hope, and resolutions. None of us know what this new year will bring, but we all have a hopeful portrait of what it could look like.

My personal journey through 2012 was difficult. There were countless ups and downs, the rhythm of life we all know too well. But, like all of you, I look to 2013 with hope. Determination. Resolution.

We all make them. We all poke fun at our failure to uphold them. That's right: New Year's Resolutions. I made a few that are now hanging on my wall, staring me in the face when I awake each morning. I would like to share these and few additional musings with you.

1. Get back to ND! 

Through the plethora of blog posts I have done about my struggles with OCD and the fact that I home on medical leave, I do not recall if I posted that I will not be back at Notre Dame for this upcoming semester. I believe I am ready to return to school. However, Notre Dame enforces a strict medical leave policy that states all students on medical leave must take a full two semesters off from school. I fought this rule very hard and was told my case made it "pretty high up in Student Affairs," but to no avail-I was crushed when I learned I would not be returning to Notre Dame for the Spring Semester. Each day, I accept my reality a little bit more, but it is still difficult. In this new year, I resolve to continue working hard in therapy and in my everyday life to prepare myself to return to my home.

2. Be flexible

I am your type-A personality, loves making lists, organized kind of girl. When I plan something, I set my mind to it and, to a certain degree, fixate on what I have planned in my mind. If that changes, I have a hard time adapting. Since being home, this has become very apparent to me in my attempts to stay busy. I joined a gym and my days were filled with never-ending colds and a stress fracture in my ankle that prevented me from running. I opened an Etsy shop and spent a month trying to get my seemingly simple craft to work. I began volunteering at UH in Rainbow Baby and Children's Hospital and missed half of my volunteer days due to being sick (infection control...). In this new year, I resolve to go with the flow and allow myself to ride the waves of this up and down life.

3. Practice humility

This is probably the biggest resolution for me: humility. I like to be in control. I don't like to rely on anyone else. Starting in 5th grade, I lived by this rule: "If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." I believe myself to be a strong, independent woman. However, I let these things get in the way of people helping me and giving up control in order to better myself and those around me. I do not like to be wrong. Admitting that very fact is tough. Most importantly, I do not always humble myself to God. I need to let Him make me an instrument and trust that He is carrying me. In this new year, I resolve to have an open mind and an open heart when it comes to matters of control and trust.

4. Visit all my friends at school

This is a fun one! Because I go to school out of state and do not have a car on campus, the prospect of visiting my high school friends at their respective schools is not a likely one. Now that I am home for another semester, I plan to visit my best friends at Edinboro, Dayton, Ohio State, and OU, and my boyfriend at Findlay. In this new year, I resolve to go on this amazing adventure to see the people I love. 

5. Take care of my health 

This is a big one for me. When I came home, I realized I needed to take a holistic look at my health and start covering my bases, both physical and mental. I joined a gym and started exercising with intent. I began tracking my food intake with the fantastic app "Sparkpeople." The holiday season has destroyed what little progress I made dropping a few pounds, but my overarching goal is a lifestyle change. My doctor said that my physical health very much influences my mental health and brain chemistry. In this new year, I resolve to focus on my physical health as a way of supporting my long-term mental health goals.

6. Trust and Love

Finally, in this new year, I resolve to trust more and love more. Plain and simple.

Share your resolutions below in a comment!

God Bless You in this New Year!

Words Truly,

Maggie